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’ I told him, and he said he was staying at a hotel with family 10 minutes’ drive away.

‘The lobby is cool to start with.’ That way I could leg it if he seemed like he was hiding a hammer in his jacket. I can get you a cab if you want.’ ‘Sure,’ I said, pulling on some decent clothes. Fortunately, the journey was short, and Rob said he was waiting outside the hotel having a smoke.

His other social media profiles are really private. You're thinking things are going really well so far. Is he sleeping during the day and going out at night to fight crime? He sends 15 texts in a row when you don't respond right away. Time to send nine more just to make sure you're not missing them. attentive now, just wait until you meet in person.5. You're probably hoping he has a sexy, checkered past. In reality, he just doesn't want you to find out about his DUI.6. He knows better than to explicitly text, "I m so horne," or ask for pictures of your breasts, but he's . There's no way anyone showers or lifts that much, bro.8. You've had plans to meet up on multiple occasions, and something always happens. People are always checking him out when he walks down the street, but he hates the attention. Even if it's a really pretty dick, the odds that this guy is going to be a good husband are slim to none. He calls you "baby" within his first three messages.

You're really hitting it off, but the dude is basically a ghost. No one who online dates is "off the grid." He's hiding a dark secret (or he just has a girlfriend).2. And then suddenly you don't hear from him for 12 hours. Either his mom gets sick or he gets a flat tire or his mom gets sick again. Bailing eight times means he's hoping you'll send him nude pictures without him ever having to actually meet you.9. He's always complaining about the long hours he works, but he makes really good money, so it's OK. Everyone likes to talk themselves up when you first meet them, but he really forces conversations in odd directions just to get the chance to make himself look cool. Unless you are actually a giant baby, Benjamin Button-style, there's no reason for some guy you don't know to call you that.

What if he tied me to the bed, Christian Grey style, then ran away and left me there? ‘Your uh, friend has been texting me,’ the driver said, smirking. For God’s sake man, did I have ‘I’m down to fuck’ written on my forehead or something? They might have called it ‘ambience’ but I felt like I was in a Dickens novel.

I wasn’t going to rush off to meet a stranger and lock myself in a room with him. OK so I’ll message you when I’m there and when I get home.’ I mean, I wasn’t about to let myself get abducted. Ten minutes later, I slid into the cab and we were off. Besides, the lobby was super dark with random lamps scattered around.

So I got the hell out of there, ordered an Uber and headed home. The quality of chat is just so low, I’m bored within like, a day. After one particularly nauseating IM exchange, where I sighed and tapped ‘unmatch’ yet again, I sat gazing at the blank screen for a minute. What’s a girl to do when she has no boyfriend and feels the urge to have sex? So the other week I was pondering the amount of time I waste in small talk and pointless conversations with Tinder matches. I opened Tinder again and decided to spam all the matches I’d not started chat with. ’ ‘200 and something,’ he said, walking to the minibar. Luxury shower gels and conditioners lined the wall alongside plush towels. And all this took was asking a few strangers if they were down to fuck.




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